Dear Inside Out,
I was just wondering what you think the right approach is in talking to girls who are frum girls, but can’t seem to find the beautiful meaning in tznius? How should one explain to them these important things?
So good of you to write. Good question! Of course, both frum girls and not frum girls alike struggle with the mitvah of tznius (modesty). It is indeed a difficult mitzvah.
In my opinion the message is the same. If girls, whether frum or not, recognize that they are ultimately a soul and that the truest, deepest part of who they are is hidden within, then they should be aware of the need to emphasize the inside over the outside.
There is a very strong yetzer hara (evil inclination or non-mitzvah doing pull) against dressing tznius. With fashions being what they are and with a girls need to fit in and to express herself, it is very difficult to dress modestly and put ones looks to the side. I also love fashion and it can be hard for me at times too, with all the styles seen on the streets. However there is something to be said about making tznius personal and that’s what I advise girls to do.
I would say to these girls to take one small step at a time. Not to become a long black skirt, turtleneck wearing Rebbetzin that they can’t relate to, but to take on one thing. If they could commit to just wearing a skirt instead of pants, maybe they would see that they still feel like themselves and fashionable in a skirt they like! Too many times girls think dressing tznius means dressing ugly, but it doesn’t have to. There are so many ways to make a “regular skirt” a tznius one and there are so many fashionable skirts and tops on the market that just happen to be tznius.
The last thing I would say is: this is what G-d wants from us. At the end if the day, we want a relationship with G-d. Just like we can’t have a good relationship with our spouse if we constantly ignore his request to keep our alarm clocks on vibrate or to take out the trash in the evenings, we can’t have a good relationship with G-d if we ignore his heed to cover our bodies and focus on our souls. Hashem does for us constantly and this is what he asks of us. The least we can do is try. Any steps we make towards tznius is a step we make closer to our ultimate goal of coming close to our Creator.
Let me know of anything else I can do to help! I’m happy to speak with or shop with any girls who would like!
From my soul to yours,